Impostor

Preparation for a talk

By Danielle Navarro

August 23, 2021

Wake up. Make coffee. Exchange text messages. Admission forms: find birth certificate. Proof of MTF transition needed. Impostor. Kids want breakfast. Read covid news. Miserable. Pills: antidepressant, androgen suppressant, PrEP, vitamins, progesterone. Practice the talk. Too long. Lockdown, Day 58. Decision: no homeschool today. Kids can’t take it. Feel guilty. Bad parent. Practice talk again. And again. Clean the house. Need to look neat on zoom. Make sure kids are dressed. Mistake: sparks a fight. Children are stressed, one gets angry. Give her space. Practice talk again. Fix the talk again. Shower. Deal with body hair. No. Not body hair: facial hair. Don’t think it. Don’t think it. Don’t think it. Too late. Impostor. Panic. Accept. Move on. Conference. Women’s conference. Not for you. For women. Impostor. Transsexual. Liar. Simulacrum. Fake. Stop it. Stop. Just stop. Conference starts soon. No time for this. Dry hair. Curl hair. Pluck brows. Apply make-up. Choose clothes. Accessorise. Ugh. Why this ritual? So slow. Feel weird about it. No time. Far too slow. Kids still not dressed. Bad parent. Conference in t-minus five minutes. Tantrums. Tears. Negotiations. Soothe. Talk. Success! Coffee. Lost headphones. Too late, starting. Impostor. Please don’t cry. Please don’t cry. Smile. Relax. Just be yourself. Please don’t cry. Please don’t cry. Impostor

Posted on:
August 23, 2021
Length:
1 minute read, 211 words
Tags:
transgender academia
See Also:
Five years, one month, and six days
Know who you are
Census day